Get Your Act Together
Can role-playing - to live out your sauciest sexual fantasies - spice up your sex life? We challenged three couples to dress up, get into character and share their experiences with us.
by sasha gonzales
"We pretended to be two strangers at a bar"
Juliet* and Louis*, both 30, married three years with no kids
Ever since reading a romance novel a couple of years ago, I'd been wanting to act this scenario out. When I told Louis about my fantasy, he was excited and more than willing to try it with me."
THE ROLE: "We figured we'd go the whole hog, so we even booked a hotel room to spend the night in. Louis would pick me up in the dimly lit bar and we'd go to one
corner and make out. When we couldn't wait any longer, we'd head to our hotel room and have sex. It was the perfect plan!"
THE PLAY: "I wore a miniskirt, tube top and very high heels, and let my long hair down for a change.
I was already quite turned on so it was easy to get into character. As I walked into the bar. I spotted Louis — the look on his face was priceless. I got a seat at the other end of the bar and we kept looking at each other with cheeky smiles.
When Louis walked over to me, my heart was pounding really fast. He couldn't take his eyes off me and
whispered in my ear that I looked hot. Then he asked my name and I just giggled because I couldn't believe we were actually doing this! It felt weird - but in a good way.
After pretending to make small talk, we moved to a booth at the back of the bar and started making out. We couldn't keep our hands off each other; I told Louis I had a room upstairs and asked if he'd like to spend the night with me.
We got frisky in the elevator and were ready to explode when we got to our room. Sex was exciting and passionate - we loved that it felt different and naughty. It definitely brought some heat back to our sex life. We can't wait to do it again!"
"I was a bored housewife out to seduce the TV repairman"
Sheryl*, 34, and Mark*, 35, married four years with a two-year-old son
When I was presented with this challenge, Mark and I couldn't stop laughing. We're both pretty adventurous in the bedroom but role-playing was a whole different kettle offish. Nevertheless, we thought it was exciting and I was curious about how it would pan out."
THE ROLE: "We leave our son with my mum every Sunday so we had some free time to try this out. Mark would drop by to repair my broken TV set, and I'd let him in wearing nothing but a satin teddy and panties and seduce him while he was hard at work. He would ask for a drink and I'd accidentally spill it all over his uniform. I would offer to clean his uniform for him, so he would strip down to his undies, and then I'd pounce on him and lead him to the bedroom."
THE PLAY: "Mark managed to keep a straight face at the beginning but I couldn't stop giggling -1 admit I did feel a little silly. When I met him at the door in just my lingerie, he quickly closed the door behind him so our neighbours wouldn't see! Mark wore a short-sleeved blue shirt, black pants and a cap, and carried a toolbox. Once he was inside the house, he walked straight to our TV and pretended to work on it.
I lounged on our sofa, trying not to laugh as I massaged body lotion onto my legs and arms. All the while, I noticed that Mark couldn't keep his eyes off me. I even cracked some jokes about his toolbox, which made him laugh.
I could tell Mark was quite turned on, and so was 1.1 would have had sex with him right there and then, but I reminded myself to stick to the script. After a lot of flirting and teasing, Mark asked me for a drink so I got him a cold beer. I forgot to spill the drink on him though, so we skipped that part and I just led him to the bedroom.
We collapsed onto the bed in a fit of giggles. I couldn't believe we had done it! We'd built up the excitement and were just raring to go. It was a great experience but I doubt we'll role-play the same fantasy again because as fun as it was, it was kind of corny!"
Pamela Supple, Sex and Relationship Therapist from the Sydney-based Sex Therapy Australia, on how to use role-playing to spice up your sex life:
• Understand What Role-Playing Is
It is when one or both partners want to take on a persona or act out a particular fantasy. Acting out a character involves imagination, since you're acting on your sexual fantasies or something you've read or watched.
Role-playing can make sex more exciting, especially if visual elements such as lingerie or a striptease are involved. It adds another dimension to your sex life and lets you see your partner in a different light. Depending on the type of role-play, it can bring fun and laughter into the bedroom.
• Choose Your Scenario Many couples like the dress-up factor, where they wear costumes such as doll outfits and uniforms. Even wearing sexy lingerie can be considered dressing up.
Burlesque dancing, pole dancing and a striptease are common scenarios while some couples like the dominant and submissive factor, and others prefer to act out a forbidden fantasy.
• Rope In Your Partner Relationships must be based on honesty and trust, so it's important to communicate with your partner and be upfront about what you want. If your partner says "no", accept his answer. However, if he tells you he needs to think about it, give him the time and space to do so. Likewise, if your partner suggests something that you're uncomfortable with, make that clear to him. Role-playing must be consensual.
• Set The Rules Communicate with your partner about what you have in mind. Decide what you can and can't do, and what you will and won't allow. Agree on "Stop!" as a safeword; at any point during your role-play, if one of you is uncomfortable physically or emotionally, say this safeword. The other partner must stop what he/she is doing, and not give his/her partner a hard time about it. People think acting out a fantasy is fun but actually doing it can be emotionally overpowering.
• It Won't Solve Your Marital Problems If there are already problems in your relationship that have nothing to do with sex, it's important to look at those issues first before you bring in the role-playing.
"I was his personal stripper"
Jennifer", 32, and Isaac*, 36, married three years with no kids
I did a few pole dance classes in my 20s and I love dancing, so when I got this challenge, I didn't think twice about accepting it. Isaac loves looking at my body so he was keen to try this out."
THE ROLE: "I would dress up as a sexy secretary wearing sexy lingerie and a garter-belt and stockings, with my hair in a bun and my glasses on. Isaac would sit in our living room with a drink and watch me as I gyrated before him. There would be a look-but-no-touch rule so when I danced, he couldn't touch me at all. I would end my little show by giving him a lap dance."
THE PLAY: "We dimmed the lights in our living room and turned on some music, and then I stepped out of my bedroom wearing a tight white shirt, black pencil skirt and heels. I didn't have a pole to dance with so I worked with a chair. At first, we played slow but sexy instrumental music as I moved around and did a striptease for Isaac. Once my skirt came off, Isaac switched to some fast Janet Jackson songs and I let my inhibitions go.
Isaac couldn't contain his excitement. He had a wide smile on his face -1 could tell he was enjoying his private show. When I let my hair down and whipped my glasses off, something came over me and I lost myself in the role. I began dancing so fast and feverishly, I almost forgot to give Isaac his lap dance!
As I gyrated over Isaac's lap, he surprised me by stuffing some dollar bills down my bra. That was not part of our script but I liked it! I teased him a little, pulling his tie with my teeth and brushing my body ever so lightly against his.
We felt so pumped from the excitement, Isaac and I ended up making love on our couch because we couldn't wait to get to the bedroom. And in contrast to the vigorous dancing, the sex was beautiful -tender, slow and very loving.
We're keen to try this particular role-play again but next time, I told Isaac he has to dance for me!"
*Names have been changed
Rent these movies for some role-playing ideas.
Demi Moore plays Erin, a stripper who loses custody of her daughter. A member of the audience offers to help her get her daughter back if she helps him blackmail a congressman. Demi worked hard to get into shape for her pole dancing and seductive stripteases in this role.
Take on Lois Lane's character and pretend to be a damsel in distress. Your Superman hubby will have fun rescuing you from trouble. Rent him a Superman costume for a more realistic experience.
Secretary (2002) Maggie
Gyllenhaal plays Lee Holloway, a young woman who gets a job as a secretary at a law firm. She develops a crush on her boss Mr Grey, played by James Spader, and the pair become sexually involved.
|Simply Her Magazine - Singapore - August 2011
Get Your Act Together