Hubby, I Faked the Big O!
SASHA GONZALES asks three women to pretend to climax during sex - and gets their husbands' reactions.
1 “My Husband Could Sense That Something Was Wrong”
Who: Julianna, 33, a social worker, married to Edmund, 35, an engineer, for seven years. The couple has no children.
How Julianna faked it: "Edmund and I have sex two or three times a week and I orgasm 99 per cent of the time. He never closes his eyes during sex because he says he likes to look at me. I faked my orgasm four times over a two-week period. The first two times, he didn't notice that my moans and groans were not real. The third time, however, he asked if I had climaxed. The fourth time, he told me he felt something wasn't right. He asked if I had enjoyed our lovemaking. I told him I had, but he suspected I was lying because he responded with a deep frown, went silent and looked sad."
The confession: "When I told Edmund l'd faked those orgasms for this story, he said he knew it because I didn't tremble or quiver like I usually do when I climax, and my complexion wasn't flushed. Having been together for so long, he said he's familiar with all the physical signs when I've achieved orgasm, and on those few occasions where l'd faked it, he said he could tell I was acting."
Edmund's reaction: "For as long as we've been together, Julianna has never faked her orgasms - none that I know of anyway. So when she did it, I could tell, because her body language was different. Her breathing wasn't as heavy, her skin also wasn't warm and she seemed stiff. When she eventually confessed, I knew my instincts were spot-on."
2 “My Husband Called Me Out”
Who: Jolene,32, a sales manager, married to John., 33, a marketing manager, for three years. The couple has no children.
How Jolene faked it: 'John and I make love three or four times a week. I intended to try this experiment for two weeks, but he called me out after the first night! We had sex the way we usually do - me on top - and I pretended to shudder while gyrating my hips and moaning loudly. He didn't say anything to me until we were just about to sleep. He asked me why l'd faked my orgasm because it was obvious to him that I didn't climax. When I asked him how he knew, he replied that I didn't seem as enthusiastic about the sex that night. He saw right through me."
The confession: "l was forced to come clean, so I told him about the experiment for this story. His reply: A-ha, I knew it!"'
John's reaction: “Jolene is usually very enthusiastic during sex. She squirms and moans a lot, and looks like she is genuinely enjoying herself. That night, however, something was different. Her movements and the sounds she was making seemed forced or put-on, and she wasn't smiling and grinning like she normally does. I knew she was faking it and that hurt my feelings. The whole time we were having sex, I tried to think of a way to broach the subject with her. lf my wife isn't enjoying herself in bed, I want to know why. Thank goodness this was just an experiment!"
3 “My Husband Was Clueless”
Who: Lisa, 38, a teacher, married to Kevin, 40, also a teacher, for three years. The couple has a two-year old son.
How Lisa faked it: "When I orgasm, I seldom move or make noise. At the most, l'll moan once very loudly or squirm slightly, but that's about it. So I didn't really have to do anything for this experiment" Kevin and I made love six times over two weeks, and I faked my orgasm four times out of the six. I observed Kevin carefully but he was so engrossed in his own pleasure, he didn't notice that I didn't moan or squirm. His eyes were closed the whole time. After sex, he went straight to sleep and didn't ask me any questions."
The confession: "Kevin was shocked when I told him I had faked my pleasure. He said he hadn't noticed anything different because I react relatively mildly when I orgasm. Through this experiment, he realised he needed to pay more attention to me while having sex and make sure I’m satisfied every time. I told him I had faked my orgasms several times in the past and that upset him a little."
Kevin's reaction: "Lisa's revelation was a surprise. I admit that when we make love, I rarely pay attention to how she feels and never question if she's satisfied. She could have gone on faking her orgasms and I'd have been none the wiser. The thought absolutely kills me - I feel so hopeless as a husband and as a man. I want to make sure she's happy. Now, when we have sex, I'm more clued in to how she responds to my touch. I wish she were louder in bed - as it would signal that she was enjoying herself - but that's not her style, and I understand that."
How far Should You Go?
Our Experts: Pamela Supple, a Sydney based Sex and Relationship Therapist from Sex Therapy Australia; and Martha Lee, Clinical Sexologist from Eros Coaching.
Q- Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Martha says it's your body, so no one can tell you if it's acceptable or not. In faking your orgasm, you are preventing yourself from enjoying your own sexual pleasure. Also, you are not being truthful to yourself firstly or your husband, says Pamela.
Q- l only fake it when I'm tired, can't be bothered or just not in the mood. Surely this is all right?
lf so, Pamela says you should tell your husband how you feel and that it's all right if you don't orgasm during sex, but that you're still enjoying the physical closeness that sex brings. Never fake an orgasm just to please your husband, or let him think that what he is or isn't doing is helping you achieve orgasm.
Q-Can faking it affect my sexual satisfaction?
This is in the eye of the beholder, says Martha. Many women who have never had orgasms are still able to describe their sex lives as very satisfying.
Q- Can faking it hurt my marriage?
Yes, it may result in you becoming less interested in sex as time goes by, says Pamela. You may feel that you are a vessel purely for your husband's sexual pleasure, and you may start to resent him. Also, if he finds out that you've been faking your orgasms all along, he could feel let down, and that your sexual relationship has not been as truthful and honest as it hopefully should be. He could then become angry or disillusioned about the relationship.
|Simply Her Magazine - Singapore - March 2012
Hubby, I Faked the Big O!