Loud Mouths - Why you should turn up the volume in bed.
Making noise in the sack is a huge part of what turns us on, says WH sex expert Jacqueline Hellyer, and we girls tend to be best at it.
A survey by online sex store Lovehoney found 94 per cent of you are louder than your partner in the bedroom. There's even a name for it - female copulatory vocalisation (unsexy name, but it works). "If you're particularly receptive to sound, when your brain processes sexy noises it starts to communicate with your genitals and other erogenous areas of your body to create a heightened and enhanced sexual experience," says sex and relationships counsellor Christina Spaccavento.
ALONE WITH THE MOAN
But making a ruckus doesn't always come easily. The problem is, if you aren't noisy your partner thinks you're not enjoying it, and if you are, then there's the suspicion you're faking it. It's an aural minefield, Spaccavento says. "Rather than faking it, relax into the sexual moment through deep, soft breathing and focus on your five senses. Once in this space, let whatever comes up, happen." Banshee-style screeches included. Dirty talk is deeply personal: one person's turn-on is another's mood killer. "Talk to your partner about location, time and volume. That way you'll both be on the same page when it comes to the sleepover at the in-laws'," says Spaccavento.
If your partner isn't as vocal as you'd like, another option is to concentrate on what is going on. "Look at the other signs like breathing and body movement for non-aural feedback," suggests clinical sex and relationships therapist Pamela Supple.
Whatever your verbal schtick, one thing's for sure: cranking the decibels in the sack is scientifically proven to result in better sex. A study by Cleveland State University in the US found those who showed their pleasure by sounding off during sex reported higher satisfaction levels. "Moaning might be a more comfortable way for people to express pleasure than verbally directing their partner," says study author Dr Elizabeth Babin. Making more noise can also "heighten the experience by creating vibrations in your body, which has a positive effect on your hormones and nervous system," says Hellyer. And if your verbal cues sync up, all the better. "Verbal and vocal cues are a way of giving positive feedback. If you get used to making noise, it's easier to throw some instruction in there, too," she says.
I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TALK, TALK
But what about the risk of someone hearing? That could be a bonus. "The fear of getting caught can make sex more exciting for some people”, says Hellyer, Holding back, on the other hand, may stop you from feeling 'in the moment', which can lower your libido. "But it's good to not embarrass other people in the household." Play music, put a rug on the floor, put a cupboard against the shared wall and use pillows to muffle the noise, Hellyer suggests.
Oh, and one more thing: if you're enjoying the action but perhaps not as much as you might like to, being more vocal can actually help you feel more turned on, according to new research published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour. In the same way a smile (even on a dud day) can actually make you feel happier, bringing down the house in the sack, even if it's fake, can genuinely help you feel more into it. Let's get loud!
TALK DIRTY TONIGHT with our three-step program:
1. Chat about it outside the bedroom first - "It's a lot less awkward than jumping ahead and realising they're not into it," Supple says. Or, you know, just show them this story.
2. Listen to yourself while masturbating- "This is a great way to practice genuinely expressing your sexual pleasure and becoming comfortable with your own unique sexy sounds. Practice until there is no longer any emotional or mental discomfort and you'll find your transition to sharing this with your partner much easier," says Spaccavento.
3. Lift your pitch - According to research from the State University of New York, men find higher-pitched women's voices more attractive. Scarlett Johansson: you lose. At last! WH