Sexual Desire/Amour/Porn what comes first? - Pamela Supple

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When couples or single people make an appointment to see me regarding their relationships and sex lives, I view every client walking through the door as their own unique selves. When it comes to sexual concerns this requires the ability as a sex and relationship therapist to actively listen and embark upon this journey as therapist, individuals and couples together.

Sexual Desire in and of itself is unique to you. When in a relationship it also becomes a two way street. Sexual desire ebbs and flows. Learning to help create Sexual Desire by listening and communicating with your partner is essential. Learning about each other’s sexual likes and dislikes, plus what you are prepared to do or not do sexually help's. Once you know, sexual arousal and individual sexual desires can and will be ignited. This develops trust and attachment. You may feel awkward. Getting to know your partner sexually and their wants needs and desires is essential. Being able to create this connection is necessary. If you are shy with regard to opening up sexually, start slowly, ask questions learn and grow together.

Sometimes desire comes before sex, or sex comes before desire, knowing and understanding this is key for every relationship.

When sexual desire does wane there can be a variety of reasons why this is happening for either men or women. These will also be explored.

For some people porn has become a concern. It’s important to understand how, when, where and why this first started. Not everyone who views porn will develop compulsive behaviours or lose the ability to sexualise self or their relationships.

Porn can be a great experience for each individual or couple, although individual or couple over consumption of porn can detract from a primary relationship. This can also result in the reliance or need to watch porn for sexual arousal because you are bored, lazy or it’s become the preferred go to for other reasons. Every person or couple differ here. Again this will be looked into if this is a concern.

Porn in and of itself doesn’t need to be demonised. Understanding is key. Understanding and getting to know your own sexual desire/amour and relationship uniqueness is a must.